I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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