I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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