she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
