I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
