i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
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