i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am available for nakedness
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
