He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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