So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
