Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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