Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this will be a night to untag.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
