yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
