you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
