He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize