I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
