dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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