Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize