well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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