She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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