they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
