My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
