I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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