some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Life is so much better after having sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As shirtless as possible
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
