Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
