Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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