We named our party play list daddy issues
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
