I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
