I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
