I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize