God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize