yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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