I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
