I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's get the cat blown out
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
