I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
