when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize