its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
