I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
