I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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