I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
