I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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