I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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