If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize