every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
