"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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