sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
