my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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