dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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