Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Girls should come with a carfax report
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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