i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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