how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
