my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
