I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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