found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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