Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
