It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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