The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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