It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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