I don't think brook has ever known best
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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