do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
