i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
