All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
