dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
