Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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