You made me cry and you don't even care
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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