Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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