first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
