he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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