Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
