If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
