Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
