It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
