Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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