He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
