i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
