the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
