And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
