I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
