i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You took a bar mat shot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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