I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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