After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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