I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
