I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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