I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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