Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
